Hey Siri — help me out with plotting!

How do you plot a novel? Be the meanest mean that you can be. Torture your characters, never give them what they want, reward their good behavior with misfortune, and make them rescue themselves using nothing but dental floss and a fine-toothed comb. If they’re not completely worn out and on the verge of a breakdown by the time the end, then you haven’t done your job.

A story filled with people who choose to do the right thing all of the time isn’t a story (unless choosing the right thing enacts horrible consequences). Keep in mind that nobody likes Miss Perfect and the only thing we’re hoping is that someone rains on her ideal, happy life. As my agent says, ‘Get her in trouble and keep her in trouble.’ My most common edit is ‘MORE TROUBLE!’ Understand what I’m saying? You literally cannot be too mean when you’re plotting a novel.